Category: Zoo jokes

Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, “Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?” “Yes,” replied Dracula, “have lots of giraffes.”

I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. “Look in the lion’s mouth,” the vet told him. “How do I do that?” he asked. “Carefully,” replied the vet.

Father and son standing outside the elephant’s cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, “If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us.”

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: “I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. “Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose,” he typed. “Please send us two of them.”

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?” The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”