Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have?
| Firefighter jokes
Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have? A. Engineers.
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Judge: Tell me your occupation.
| Criminal jokes
Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!
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I was once in a play called
| Bed jokes
I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade.
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What do cows get when they do all their
| Cow jokes
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
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What do you get if you cross a vampire and a
| Vampire jokes
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !
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The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: “I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. “Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose,” he typed. “Please send us two of them.”