What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !
Category: Heaven and hell jokes
St. Peter and Satan were having an
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.” “I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”
A famous professor of surgery
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’ ‘Yes,’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. ‘Well,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter. ‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter,’ the professor ansvered. ‘Im am not Saint Peter,’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.
An angel in heaven was welcoming a new
An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. “How did you get here?” he asked. And the new angel replied, “Flu…”
How do angels greet each other?
How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.
Why did the angel lose her job?
Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure.
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.
A cattleman from West
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and second, you really don’t know where you are at all, do you ?”
Q. Why do only 10
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
A doctor, an engineer, and a
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he’d healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell. The engineer told how he’d built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell. The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said “You’ve already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven.”