Category: Police jokes

A new man

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.” The new man asked, “What happened?” “One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!”

A policeman pulls a man over

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. “I’m sorry sir,” the first trooper told the driver, “but I am still going to have to write you a ticket.” Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, “Tacks evasion.”

The Boston taxi driver backed into the

The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O’Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab.”

A man leaves a bar,

A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he’s stopped by a police officer. Officer: “Good evening sir. We’re testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?”. Man: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air”. Officer: “Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test”. Man: “I can’t do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death”. Officer: “Then you’ll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line”. Man: “Can’t do that either”. Officer: “Why not?”. Man: “Because I’m dead drunk”.

Veronica was

Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. “What’s the matter?!” she asked. “Where’s the body?!” demanded the officer. “What are you talking about?” “We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being murdered in this house.”