For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.” “Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now..”
Category: Old age jokes
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.” Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.” Patient: “OH NO! That’s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???” Doctor: “You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.”
Three old ladies met on the street on a very
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. “It’s windy,” said one. “No, it’s Thursday,” said the next. “So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a drink!”
An elderly lady did her shopping and,
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5′ tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her
Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll
One day, a grandpa and his grandson
One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, “When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree.” So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. “Of course,” added the grandpa, “when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall.”
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
A grandmother was telling her
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
Are you getting older and wiser? No, he’s getting older and wider!
How can you tell that
How can you tell that you’re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!