What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist “I hate my mother,” he will ask “Why do you say that?” while a psychologist will say “Thank you for sharing that with us.”
Category: Mental health jokes
A psychologist is at
A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: “That’s his problem.”
A young woman
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. “Doctor, you must help me,” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.” “I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.” “For God’s sake, NO!” exclaimed the woman. “I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterward.”
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: “Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you — everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world.”
Why is a psychiatrist like a
Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel? Because they are both surrounded by nuts.
What do you know when you see three
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I’m
Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I’m going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can’t understand it either, because I planted cabbage !
A woman entered a psychiatrist’s
A woman entered a psychiatrist’s consulting room leadind a kangaroo.”I’m worried about my husband, doctor, ” she said. “He keeps thinking he’s a kangaroo! “
Patient: Why did you
Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You’ve got multiple personalities.
Fred: “Why are you so upset?”
Fred: “Why are you so upset?” Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning.” Fred: “So what?” Harry: “So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’.”