On her

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. “I hope this spaceship doesn’t travel faster than sound. “Why?” replies the cabin steward. “Because my friend and I want to talk, that’s why.”

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market, said the man. “Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,” remarked his friend. “I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”