Category: Doctor and nurse jokes

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news? Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

The Doctor was puzzled “I’m very sorry but I can’t diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. ” “Don’t worry about it Dr. Kelley, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a python You can’t get round me just like that you know!

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m an electric eel That’s shocking!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a woodworm How boring for you!

Doctor, Doctor, I can’t get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you’ll soon drop off.

Doctor Doctor I’m so ugly what can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!

Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show? Absolutely nothing!

Doctor, Doctor I’m having trouble with my breathing. I’ll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!