Category: Criminal jokes

Criminal: Why don’t you hire these twins for the robbery, boss? Criminal Boss: I’m afraid of a double-cross.

Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn’t any good, it only has sentimental value. Mugger: That’s all right. I’m sentimental.

Why was the robber so secure? He was a safe robber.

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. “Shall I run and get it for you?” asked the prisoner obligingly. “You must think I’m daft,” said the officer. “You stand here and I’ll get it.”

What makes you think the prisoner was drunk? asked the judge. “Well, Your Honor,” replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, ‘I want to listen to it on my record-player! “

Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; I’m a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake? No!

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn’t you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honour! I’m a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.

Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up? Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.