Category: Doctor and nurse jokes

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. “Now, Mr. Jenkins,” the nurse practitioner warned, “you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt.” The old man shrugged, “If she dies, she dies.”

A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morticians started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, “Doc, quick, give me something to stop this coffin.”

Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better today! Camper: It should, I practised all night!

Jack went to see the camp nurse. ‘I fell last night,’ he said. ‘And I was unconscious for eight hours. The nurse was shocked. ‘How awful. What happened?’ ‘I fell asleep!

Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week? Patient: No, I’m sick now.

There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left? Nine!

Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of bats, creepy-crawlies, demons, ghosts, monsters, vampires, werewolves and yetis. Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in alphabetical order?

A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. “Doctor, you’ve got to help me!” he wailed. “What seems to be the trouble?” asked the doctor. “I keep having the same dream, night after night. There’s this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I can’t get it open.” “What does the sign say?” asked the Doctor. “Pull,” said the patient.

What do you do? a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. “I’m a nurse.” “I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered in her ear. “That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward.”

Why are you so excited?, the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. “But doc, this is my first operation.” “Really? It’s mine too, and I am not excited at all.”