Category: Criminal jokes

Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway

Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry: The dirty crooks.

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. “There’s a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning.” “Who shall I call,” her husband asked, “police or ambulance?”

A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, “This is a muck up!” “Don’t you mean a stick up?” asked the girl. “No,” said the robber, “it’s a muckup. I’ve forgotten my gun.”

Dad, said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. “I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow.” “OK, son,” said his dad, “I’ll get you the cash when the bank closes.”

Why was the robber bionic? He was holding up a bank.

The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. “What are you doing that for?” demanded the crook boss. “Only doing what you ordered,” said the stupid thug. “You told me to lie low for a bit!”

Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom. Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. “Where have you been?” demanded the worried look out. “The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn’t find the soap and a towel.”

What’s another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.

When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything – desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels. The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.