Category: Computer jokes

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a “ChangeLightBulb” event to the socket.

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? “You’re still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!”

How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the old one. “We looked at the light fixture and decided there’s no point trying to maintain it. We’re going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?”

A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: “I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!”

The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results. The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.

The programmer to his son: “Here, I brought you a new basketball.” “Thank you, daddy, but where is the user’s guide?”

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?” The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with “Your father is fishing in Michigan.” The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years.” “No”, replied the super computer immediately. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.”

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level.

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: “Can’t you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!” The boy replies back: “Darling, I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry about errors.”

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting “F1 F1” and nobody understood it.