Category: Mental health jokes

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket. You do look a little pail.

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short! No problem. Hop up on the couch.

Doctor, doctor, I can’t concentrate, one minute I’m ok, and the next minute, I’m blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?

Doctor, doctor, I’m manic-depressive. Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm

Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I’m ugly! Lay on the couch, face down.

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say. Tell me the truth now, what’s your REAL problem?

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that?

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I’m a wheelbarrow. Don’t let people push you around.

One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: “Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?”

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe’s former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. “Doc!” Joe says, “It’s amazing! I’m cured!” “That’s great news!” the psychoanalyst says. “you seem to be doing much better. How?” “I went to see another doctor,” Joe says enthusiastically, “and he cured me in just ONE session!” “One?!” the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. “Yeah,” continues Joe, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.” “A behaviorist?” the psychoanalyst asks. “How did he cure you in one session?” “Oh, easy,” says Joe. “He told me to cut the legs off of my bed.”