Category: Doctor and nurse jokes

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc.

Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.

Doctor, Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear, that’s a lot of calories !

Doctor, Doctor I’m a burglar ! Have you taken anything for it ?

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !

Doctor, Doctor you’ve taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don’t feel well. That’s quite enough out of you !

Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn’t much left.

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None – They just have a nursing assistant do it.

How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She’s the one with dirty knees.

1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.