The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he’s in touch with reality now. So they ask him, ” Why did you put the newspaper down first?” He answers, “So I’d be higher and have a better view.”
Category: Mental health jokes
What do Psychologists say to each
What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?” “You’re fine, how am I? “
How many psychoanalysts does it take to
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? “How many do you think it takes?”
How many psychiatrists
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.
How many psychiatrists does it take to
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “How long have you been having this phantasy?”
How many psychologists does it
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.
How many psychologists does
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN’T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
Doctor, I have a ringing in my
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don’t answer!
Doctor, doctor, I’ve only got 59
Doctor, doctor, I’ve only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute please.