The Judge admonished the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.” “Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?” “Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”
Category: Judge jokes
A red-faced judge convened court
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true. “I’m as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed. The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.” The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon … “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”
The defendant
The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!” “Why?” asked the Judge. “Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”
The cross eyed judge looked at the three
The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied.
How is a judge like an English
How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
What did the judge say when a skunk entered the
What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.” The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked. “They’re people just like you your equals.” “Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, “Boy, are you in trouble. I’m a lawyer!” The driver looked out his window and said, “No, you’re in trouble. I’m a judge.”
When is an English teacher like a judge?
When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.