How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do it. As much as the doctor orders.
Category: Doctor and nurse jokes
Did you hear about the nurse who died
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!
Why did the nurse always insist on
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient’s best side.
The nurse who can smile when
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
A doctor is going round the ward with
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. “Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?” asks the doctor. “Oh, no,” replies the nurse, “I gave him eight tablets every two hours!” At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. “Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?” “Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour,” replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. “Nurse,” asks the doctor, “did you prick his boil?” “OH MY GOODNESS!” replies the nurse.
A nurse was
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. “This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”
What’s the difference
What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.
Interns think of God, residents pray
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
Three nurses went to heaven, and were
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.” St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admi tted to heaven … for five days!” Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, “And how are we doing this morning?” Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, “It seems we are a little cloudy today…” At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time.”
Doctor: Did you take the patient’s
Doctor: Did you take the patient’s temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?