Category: Marriage jokes

I was in a very generous mood today, a woman says to her friend. “I gave a poor beggar $25.” “Thats a lot of money to give away,” says her friend. “What did your husband say?” “He said, ‘Thank you’. “

An English professor wrote the words, “woman without her man is a savage” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is a savage.” The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands? SAGE: Clever men don’t BECOME husbands!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Moe: My wife converted me to religion. Joe: Really? Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn’t believe in hell.

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Elliot,” she said, pointing “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?” The husband looked over and nodded. “Well,” the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!” The husband returned to his meal. “Nonsense,” he said, “even that’s not worth so much celebrating!”

Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: “Quick! My husband is back!” Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: “Shit! But I am the husband!”

Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau. Wife: What did he say? Husband: He asked if the coast was clear…

A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. “Oh, no, it’s my husband!” The man says, “Where’s your back door?” “We don’t have a back door” says the woman. The man then asks, “Well, where do you want a back door?”