Category: Criminal jokes

Who is the strongest thief? A shoplifter.

What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar.

What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator.

How do bank robbers send messages? By flee mail!

‘It’s a pity you’ve gone on hunger strike,’ said the convict’s girlfriend on visiting day. ‘Why ?’ ‘I’ve put a file in your cake.

A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ? Through the doorway – there were no doors remember !

Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen? Criminal: It wasn’t when I took it.

Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting? Criminal: I answered an ad that said, “Make money at home.”

Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs? Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.