Category: Apple jokes

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.

What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don’t eat.

What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !

What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac’

Why didn’t the two worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 apples.”

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California’s apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, “How much are yer apples?” “All you can pick for one dollar,” said the rancher. “Okay,” said the Pennsylvanian. “I’ll take two dollars’ worth.”

The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. “You’ve got to help me! There’s a giant gray thing in my yard, and it’s pulling apples off the tree with its tail!” “What’s he doing with the apples?” the sergeant asked. “If I told you,” the woman cried, “you wouldn’t believe me!”