Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling

| Face jokes

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

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Q. How do you make holy water?

| Religious jokes

Q. How do you make holy water? A. Boil the hell out of it.

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How many honest, intelligent, caring men

| Men jokes

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

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I hate paying my income tax.

| Money jokes

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money

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Q. How do you confuse a

| Blonde jokes

Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

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Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.