I use the internet

What do you use to determine if a refrigerated

| Burger jokes

What do you use to determine if a refrigerated burger is cold enough? A thermomeater!

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How does a pig write home?

| Pig jokes

How does a pig write home? With a pig pen.

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A man leaves a bar,

| Police jokes

A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?". Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machin

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Where do ghost trains stop?

| Car and train jokes

Where do ghost trains stop? At devil crossings.

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Helpline? I've just pushed a

| Computer jokes

Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive! Has the computer stopped working? No, but there's a lot of crackling.

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I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!