An old man in a nursing home awoke one day

The Best Day Ever

| Book title jokes

The Best Day Ever by Trudy Light

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Five Englishmen

| Car and train jokes

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro." "What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen. "Quattro means four," replies the Italian official. "Quattro is

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When asked for her occupation, a woman charged

| Judge jokes

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass thr

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What does it mean when an accountant is

| Accountant jokes

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level'

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Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed

| Fishing jokes

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occ

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An old man in a nursing home awoke one day and trundled down the hallway to the community breakfast room looking rather forlorn. Ms. Smith, a nurse, met him in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly and asked how he was this day. Mr. Jones allowed that not all was well; in fact, his penis had died during the night. Ms. Smith knew that Mr. Jones was occasionally a little off mentally, so she merely replied that she was sorry to hear the bad news and went on her way. The next morning Mr. Jones was on his way to breakfast again but on this day he was dressed in a coat and tie, and his penis was hanging out of his pants. Sure enough, he met Ms. Smith whereupon — although somewhat startled — she calmly reminded him that the day before he had told her his penis had died and asked why it was hanging out of his pants. Mr. Jones replied simply, “Today is the viewing.”