There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. “Everything’s big in Texas ma’am,” said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. “I told you, ma’am, that everything is big in Texas,” said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. “Please!” she screamed. “Don’t flush it!”
Category: Travel and tourist jokes
A man arrived at a seaside hotel
A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, “Who are you? What do you want?” “I’m staying here!” “Stay there, then,” she retorted, and slammed the window shut!
There was a man staying the night
There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, “Excuse me, sir, I’ve got a leak in my sink.” The man at the front desk replied, “Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet.”
Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children,
Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind. Betty, muttering: If you’re anything to go by, that’s not all it broadens!
What steps should you take if you
What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.
What does a witch get if she’s a
What does a witch get if she’s a poor traveler? Broom sick.
An American tourist is
An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: “How large is the population here?” “Around 1.5 billion” — the guide answers American, After a short pause: “So, what else do you do here?”
A Jewish couple, are sitting
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?” No Morris!” she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?” “Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!” Now Morris laughs. “One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?” “Oy Morris I forgot that one too!” Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, “So what are you smiling and laughing about? Morris responds, “They’ll find us.”