Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love
| Various animal jokes
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
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Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
| School jokes
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
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A guy is dating three women and can't decide
| Marriage jokes
A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does
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Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all
| Blonde jokes
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
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What do ghosts use to phone home?
| Telephone jokes
What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone.
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A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.” The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press — and Wall Street — responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product pro blems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”